Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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