i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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