"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is Oprah even human
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
