im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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