Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
