party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
