we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
