I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
