I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
