you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize