I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
