Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
last night I used snow as a chaser
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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