Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
