He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
