So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
