I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
