Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
