I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
