I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
