There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
