New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dick very happy bro
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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