Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
