my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize