I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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