yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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