I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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