shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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