But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
