he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
