EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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