did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i believe in u and ur pee
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize