just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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