Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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