The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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