Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
