I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think your dad took our porno
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
