i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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