her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
