6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
