are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
