Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just gargled with NyQuil
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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