So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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