I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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