I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
