Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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