For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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