my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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