Cold hands, warm shart.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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