Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
