yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
