ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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