Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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