***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The uberlube is also flammable
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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