Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
