I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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