Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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