You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You smell like stripper and shame
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
