Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize