What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
