Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
