please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
