the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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