so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
