So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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