They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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