blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
