Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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