That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Found the puke drawer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
