They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
