im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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