Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
