If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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