hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
