I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
