dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
