i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
