last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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